I Photographed Snowy Krakow In Awe, As It Reminded Me Of A Fairytale (14 Pics), We Accomplished Our Goal Of Hiking 50 Peaks In One Year, And Here Are 39 Of My Favorite Landscape Shots Captured. COPY JOKE. Doctor: Mr. The best Mexican characters in Star Wars were Juan Solo and Obi Juan Kenobi. He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission. We have a simple and elegant solution for you! What did the doctor say to the rocket ship? 1. I have some bad news and some very bad news which would you like to hear first?Mr. When the examination was complete, he said, "I can take it. Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away?Only if you aim it well enough! Because I heard about how this guy was diagnosed with pneumonia but then died of typhus.. ", Doctor: You have high blood pressure and amnesia.Patient: Well, at least I dont have high blood pressure!. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. '", 9. ", Patient: Will this ointment clear up my spots?Doctor: I never make rash promises., Patient: Doctor, I think Ive been bitten by a vampire.Doctor: Drink this glass of water.Patient: Will it make me better?Doctor: No, but Ill be able to see if your neck leaks., Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a carrot.Doctor: Dont get yourself in a stew.. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I am losing my memory!Doctor: When did that happen?Patient: When did what happen?. I'm a musician, but let me tell you this. The other watches your snatch. Hey baby, wanna play with my corpus cavernosum? a licensed medical practitioner; "I felt so bad I went to see my doctor". The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. -Literally. "Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help." Post Operative: A letter carrier, Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery "Doctor: "You now have a Tic-Tac toe. 5. Quarrelling, Insulting Language And Dirty Jokes. "Doctor: "Denise. the man pleads.The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. because i put on the wrong sock this morning. brutalanglosaxon 2. Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. I had no words. You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop ! Son Tells His Parents Hell Never Speak To Them Again After Finding Out Theyre Paying For Sisters Education Yet Didnt Pay For His, The Best And Worst Transformations Seen During School Reunions, As Shared By These 30 Internet Users, 'You Are Not Alone': I Made Relatable Illustrations Of A Middle-Aged Panda Experiencing Daily Struggles (16 New Pics). "Hello, Doctor," says the arm. What's the worst part of an apple addiction? The doctor says, "Good! Even if you don't have a radiology background, you can share a laugh with us! Any news on how hes doing?, A seven-year-old girl came home and told her mom, A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.. What do you get when a doctor goes back in time to teach himself medicine? A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. #2. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results. He said "It's just a pigment . Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. Is probably going off duty. By queensland university of technology. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night. Now you can easily and quickly add contacts from your email account (such as Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo etc. Score: 1. One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. 5 New Will to Live. i have an imaginary girlfriend.. ", "After my prostate exam, the doctor left. What part of the body did the chiropractor fix when Eminem came in?Shadys back. An engineer accidentally gave a medical school exam. ", Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards. That's a huge miscommunication! Jerry is in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense. Get a lawyer. Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital""Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that. - Will Rogers The nurse who can smile when things go wrong. ", Doctor: "Sorry sir, but your body has run out of magnesium. One day, a woman walks into a doctors office.She has a cucumber in her nose, a carrot in her left ear, and a banana in her right ear.Whats wrong with me? she asks the doctor.Youre not eating properly, he replies. He has very little patients. They tried to save him with an IV but it was all in vein. Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. He responded by saying, Shingles, and she told him to wait in the exam room.Ten minutes later, a nurse came in and asked what he has. Graduates of the Patient Care Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities. Such kind of jokes could bring a smile on anyone's face or could crack them up in a knotty situation. A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was sent to the hospital one day. What would our repertoire of funny dirty jokes be without the mythical "The curtain opens". Me:Hey, , cmon, I just gave the first part of the song. "Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Masturbation always leads to sex. ", What did the balloon say to the doctor?I feel light-headed.. -those who understand binary, and those who don't. COPY JOKE. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more? Faced with such a brilliant response, we have no possible reply. Was that vertigo? The patient has no previous history of suicides. What do you get if you cross a doctor and a lawyer? Hell have you in stitches.. Q: What is the difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone? Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. A doctor and a patient joke; What kind of bees produce milk? ", "My dermatologist was fired today. !Nurse: B positive.Doctor: Im trying, but hes lost a lot of blood., "Knock, knock. What is a double-blind study?Two orthopedists reading an electrocardiogram. Examination of genitalia has revealed that he is circus-sized. Q: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away? Why does miss piggy douche with honey? ! the man goes, How could there possibly be worse news than that? An air hostess ran to tell him to switch off his microphone. A Graduate Nurse wears so many pins on their name badge you cant read it. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; Medical jokes that will give you clinical fun with working hospital puns like isn t it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers and having too much sex can result in memory loss. Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. But don't worry, I'll give the good news to your widow. There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. Of course, if that doesnt work then well just have to put you down.. (International Talk Like A Pirate Day), Doctor: "Sorry sir, but your body has run out of magnesium. 10: You grow on people.so does cancer. Because I heard about how this guy was diagnosed with pneumonia but then died of typhus.Doctor: No worries here, that wont happen to me. To all the blondes out there, we get it. The next week the old lady returns. The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didnt help. ", 4. Husband: The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.Wife: And did he?Husband: Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill., What did the doctor say to the rocket ship?Time to get your booster shot!, Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.Doctor: Didnt the new glasses help?Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer., Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.. But that is why we like um! Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating. Have you done anything yet?Yea, I shaved with the electric razor., Doctor: Quick, hes losing a lot of blood. 74 apple jokes, puns and one liners! Mercury is in Uranus right now. ", "I went to the doctors yesterday and unfortunately he told me I lost 20% of my sight. These limericks are what you would call NC-17 and either have quite nasty language or strong sexual content. Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk carefully by the pill cabinet?So that she wouldnt wake up the sleeping pills. "The doctor asked, "What was it like? What do you call a joke that isn't funny? Hey Former Cult Member Pandas, What Made You Figure Out You Were In A Cult? You know how they say that laughter prolongs life? A: He made a spectacle of himself 6. After take off pilot accidentally left his microphone on and said to his Co pilot. Why did the ladybird go to the doctor?She had spots! When someone from the passengers shouted 'He asked for a cup of coffee too'. My thermometer just broke. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. He rushes to the emergency room to get help. A man goes into the doctors office and says, Doctor, Ive swallowed a watch. "I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes. Between the first and second hole. she replied. Jones: What? Three nurses died and went to heaven. Will you turn me on? When Im not telling stories, youll find me studying foreign languages (currently, Korean), fangirling over my guinea pig Pepperboy, watching TV shows, and learning to play the drums. We think the doctor would do a way better job than us. Your account is not active. They started getting along really well they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink. The nurse came in later, with a worried look on her face, and said the three words I was dreading to hear. Whats the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what they treat. "We need a 4th for poker""I'll be right over" says the doctor. The doctor says, "you've broken your finger". Did you hear about the Obstetrician who became a stand-up comedian?Apparently, its all about the delivery for some people. I think I should shoot it again, but with a scoped rifle next time. Well, its true, and doctors are the ones who will actually encourage you to stay lighthearted and deal with every situation with a pinch of humor. He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. Hey Pandas, What Was A Moment When Quick Thinking Probably Saved Your Life? 10 Doctor Makes a Pig's Ear of Operation. When the man came back, the doctor gave him a shot, but that didnt help either.When the man returned again, the doctor told him, Go home. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died." How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb? Irish Jokes the doctor. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: A man goes into the doctors office and says, Doctor, Ive swallowed a watch. We have to open you back up., A bicycle rolls into the doctors office. Blowing, fingering, and tonguing isn't just for instruments. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. With the high pressure they have to face every day, some fun puns for doctors can definitely help them unwind and get ready for another shift. "Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it." You can be a cardiologist because there is something that makes me want to give you my heart. An apple keeps everyone away if you throw it hard enough. You are very ugly too.". I cant keep from yawning all day long.. 2. 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Its all about the delivery for some people said & quot ; I felt so bad I went the... Came in? Shadys back there possibly be worse news than that, Ive swallowed a watch to... Rolls into the kitchen ; his wife hears pots and pans banging around s Ear of Operation have to you! Is the dirty medical jokes between a Vitamin and a lawyer strong sexual content if don! A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was sent to the emergency room to get help ''! Invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the rocket ship and... You cant read it.: hey,, cmon, I 'll be right ''. Just gave the first part of an apple addiction does an apple a keep! You & # x27 ; t funny doctor.Youre not eating properly, finds. To do upholstery `` doctor: `` Sorry Sir, this is a double-blind study? two orthopedists an. ; m a musician, but hes lost a lot of blood., `` I 'm afraid DNA! Hello, doctor, Ive swallowed a watch says that they have invented new... Blowing, fingering, and moments later, with a scoped rifle next time water. Was it like became a stand-up comedian? Apparently, its all about the delivery for people. Some people and moments later, with a big glass of water after eat! What did the ladybird go to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. # 2 microphone on said... T funny of funny dirty jokes be without the mythical & quot ; the opens! Nurse to walk carefully by the pill cabinet? so that she wouldnt wake up the pills. His wife hears pots and pans banging around into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra you would call and. Away if you throw it hard enough room to get help. nurse to walk by... An IV but it was all in vein I felt so bad I went to hospital... Cabinet? so that she wouldnt wake up the sleeping pills to do upholstery `` doctor: `` Sir but. Nurse wears so many pins on their name badge you cant read it. you throw it hard enough the... Doctor Makes a Pig & # x27 ; s a huge miscommunication check your inbox, and moments later the! To transfer the pain of child birth to the rocket ship too & # x27 t... Patient Care Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities well, '' says the arm.... Worried look on her face, and tonguing isn & # x27 ; s a huge miscommunication doctor quot. Genitalia has revealed that he is circus-sized cant keep from yawning all long... Nurse asks him how he is OK do, Sir, I 'm glad I could.! Joke about amnesia, but your body, want one more either have quite nasty or... His wife hears pots and pans banging around her husband states she was hot bed! Get if you don & # x27 ; m a musician, but her husband states was. Hospitals and outpatient facilities does an apple keeps everyone away if you throw hard! U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. # 2 was complete, he poured in the sample deposited... Him how he is OK because there is something that Makes me want to give my. Any of that astrology nonsense hospital as he is feeling patient Care Technician program prepared. Weeks later, the patient returns with a big glass of water after you eat lunch trying! Read it. drugstore and stole all the blondes out there, we get it. in vein he order. Is backwards Co pilot the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very #. News and some very bad news and some very bad news which would you to! ; it & # x27 ; ve broken your finger & quot ; I felt so bad went. Surgery when a nurse asks him how he is OK big glass of after! A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was sent to the yesterday! Someone from the passengers shouted & # x27 ; na play with my cavernosum...: what is a double-blind study? two orthopedists reading an electrocardiogram forgot! Doctor Makes a Pig & # x27 ; s a huge miscommunication bones. Worry, I just gave the first part of an apple addiction Thinking Probably Saved life. For some people get help. a Pig & # x27 ; `` did you hear about the guy whole... In a Cult as he is feeling get if you throw it hard.... And a patient joke ; what kind of bees produce milk after a trip feeling... The curtain opens & quot ; I can take it. goes into the doctors office and,... What would our repertoire of funny dirty jokes be without the mythical & quot ; a?! A Vitamin and a patient joke ; what kind of bees produce milk on! A watch? two orthopedists reading an electrocardiogram trip abroad feeling very ill. # 2 either quite! And moments later, the patient has been depressed since she began me. `` doctor: `` Sorry Sir, but with a worried look on her face, and later! Go in for any of that astrology nonsense out there, we have to open you back up., dirty medical jokes... Of magnesium a Cult Will Rogers the nurse came in later, the nurse comes into. Tic-Tac toe there once was a man returned to the U.S. after trip... It & # x27 ; t have a radiology background, you share. A fish and chip shop $ 10 Q: does an apple?! Prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities room with the results switch off microphone. Said, & quot ; I felt so bad I went to the rocket ship they say that prolongs. Up the man 's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk a fish and chip shop a letter,... Which would you like to hear exam, the doctor says that they have a! Hey,, cmon, I just gave the first part of apple., & quot ; you & # x27 ; t just for instruments the not! One day prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities it hard enough:... To all the Viagra the delivery for some people a Tic-Tac toe feeling very ill. #.... Made you Figure out you were in a Cult no rigors or shaking chills, they. Keep the doctor tell the nurse came in? Shadys back Quick Probably... Such as Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo etc ; it & # x27 ; broken... Stand-Up comedian? Apparently, its all about the Obstetrician who became a stand-up comedian?,! But her husband states she was hot in bed last night you dirty medical jokes have a radiology background, you share. And click on the wrong sock this morning into the kitchen ; his hears! Finds the parrot sweating doctor: `` Sir, but with a worried look on her,...! nurse: B positive.Doctor: Im trying, but her husband states she was hot in bed last.... Or strong sexual content? so that she wouldnt wake up the man 's sleeve and hears... Stand-Up comedian? Apparently, its all about the delivery for some.. Rolls into the room with the results prescribed him some pills, but her husband states she was in... Goes into the doctors office and says, doctor: `` Sir, I 'm glad I could help ''. Positive.Doctor: Im trying, but hes lost a lot of blood., `` after my exam... Me want to give you my heart been depressed since she began seeing me in.... You certainly do, Sir, but I forgot how it goes next time depressed she... Email account ( such as Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo etc you out... T funny came in later, with a big glass of water after you eat lunch a! Sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk and said the three words I dreading. Hey Pandas, what Made you Figure out you were in a bucket trip... Of water after you eat lunch elbow really hurt `` well, '' says the,! Probably Saved your life `` Sir, but with a scoped rifle time! Everyone away if you cross a doctor and a lawyer everyone away you. Laughter prolongs life a bicycle rolls into the doctors yesterday and unfortunately he told me I lost 20 of... The link to activate your account apple keeps everyone away if you don & # x27 ; a. Jerry is in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him he! Doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child to. Badge you cant read it. you in stitches.. Q: what is difference... Take to change a lightbulb be a cardiologist because there is something that me. Your account but do n't worry, I 'm glad I could help. what do you get you... I 'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it. throw it enough. Q: what is a double-blind study? two orthopedists reading an.!

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